it needs more than just a readjustment...

and let's face it, matt damon's kinda pudgy in this film, and emily has a horse face. not sarah jessica parker horseface, but close.

The Adjustment Bureau was actually based on a short story called The Adjustment Team by a man
named, no kidding, Phillip K. Dick. Let’s be honest here, The Adjustment Team? I figured I’d start this
review on a positive note: at least they changed the name.

No, the problems I have with usually desperate attempts to turn a short story into a full-length feature
film are just as relevant to the Adjustment Bureau as they are to any other movie. There’s a lot of
tell and not enough show, which usually leaves everything feeling pretty flat. Shallow story, shallow
characters and shallow plot: all trying to tell you how deep they are. Hence, the ending with a nice
glossed-over moralization to tie up the entire point of the movie.

Although I have to say congratulations, Universal, you finally got Matt Damon to play leading man in a
chick flick, because that’s what The Adjustment Bureau is. It’s a cute little love story that the production
companies stuck the tags of “action, thriller and suspense” to so that your average unsuspecting guy can
drag his wife, girlfriend, or even mother (though, watch out, Emily Blunt drops an F-bomb, and let’s face
it, your mother suggested you go see a movie to get you out of the basement and off the internet to
avoid girls like that in the first place) and out to see a Matt Damon flick with the end result of both guy
and girl leaving the theater disappointed.

I suppose I should offer you a premise of sorts? The ambitious, young, charismatic David Norris (Matt
Damon,) a man ready and waiting to win the race for a New York senate seat, meets Elise (Emily Blunt)
in the stall of what he’d assumed was an empty hotel men’s room as he’s practicing his concession
speech and she drops her keys. They start kissing when she says she wishes he’d worn a clip-on tie, and
confesses to being at the hotel, and hiding in the stall, for crashing a wedding. As she is chased off by
security, he realizes she must be a deep, intense, genuine person and decides to ad-lib his concession
speech which turns out to be a rousing success. Coincidentally, because of an… agent… who was asleep
at the proverbial wheel, David runs into Elise again, and apparently they aren’t supposed to be together;
hence all the running for the rest of the movie that you saw in the trailers.

If you go into this film expecting Jason Bourne meets Inception, you’ll be thoroughly disappointed. Now,
I confess I would pay money to watch Matt Damon sit and read legal filings for two hours, but most
dudes might not feel that way. Matt Damon’s character Linus, from the Ocean’s [insert numeral here]
movies, sees more wild and crazy action than this David Norris. The best we get in The Adjustment
Bureau is a few punches and a couple dudes thrown over tables. Stairs, doors, more stairs, more doors,
Men With Hats and a trite little “You are the maker of your own destiny” fortune at the end of this
disappointing cookie.

As for the love story? I’m sorry, but I miss Minnie Driver. Overall, I give The Adjustment Bureau… hang
on, let me check my pockets… two stale Smarties, half a stick of gum and $5.

Ricky Gervais - Out of England 2

Well, I started this blog to review things, so a perfect target would be this new Ricky Gervais comedy special I'm... trying... to enjoy. But really, my heart's not in attacking it - it's just depressing. So instead of trying to review it, I'll embed the video, then blog about how it's screwing with me, and let the void be the judge.

I gave up halfway through clip 3 on youtube, maybe 10 minutes in, so maybe I should check out the rest before passing judgement, but something about parts 1 and 2 soured me for any more laughs tonight. The "conserve water: take a bath with a friend" gay paedo dirty jokes were funny and innocent enough really, but by then I already had this horrible doomy feeling that Ricky Gervais has ballooned into some Charlie Sheen-esque unhinged over-moneyed rantbag, which is exponentially more tragic given his preceeding acquiantance with actual artistry, unlike Sheen. Sheen is the better actor, I'll give him that. Ricky is less able to pretend. He used to pretend that he was an asshole, but was actually lovable and self-deprecating. He winked a lot.

I remember when Ricky's ego was a joke, a good one, a running one. I remember when he did a show with his given name as backdrop in luminescent four story letters. But his ego ballooned as his build slimmed. Yes, he does looks like a boxer, as Jon Stewart said in a recent interview. Throwing punches. He sounds like a boxer, too. He sounds American. He sounds like a rich guy with a personal trainer. Is this the same guy that wrote "Extras"? That show seemed to have soul. Now his ego is real, and less funny. I'm trying hard to find some wink but I can't.

This is the kind of thing you see when fat people slim down. I did it, why can't you? Because you're a lazy weak little worm, and I'm a little above most people. Or a lot above most people, like, elite. I mean, that's not a figure of speech, my income is in the top 0.00001%, that's imperical. Suck on that, old money! I'm storming the gates!

That's the thing, when you storm the gates, you find out what the people who owned the gates already knew - it's comfy behind those gates. And you belong there, don't you? Those gates are for your protection. That's the kind of attitude Gervais cops in this show, but there's no wink anymore, the guy means what he says. He thinks that "the fat people are eating the skinny people's food". That's not the guy I used to love, that's an over-moneyed noveau-thin blowhard.

Is it the "Atheist Easter Card" he badgered Jon to display on the view screen during the interview, is that what's screwing with my head? He's so proud to be an atheist. It's that smug attitude that makes it hard to find any humour in the jokes, that "of course all reasonable people know..." assumption, making a religion of no god, not a religion of no religion. The Buddhists did it better. Fundamentalist Christians take things literally, just like self-congratulating comics. You see this in Americans a lot, but also some Brits, particularly Richard Dawkins, and the type that want to be him, or simply covet his trademark sneer. They're the kind of people that brag about the score they got on this IQ test one time, except they say it like it's "my IQ" and they... lol... excuse me... think it's a number that quantifies their intelligence, or a "quotient", if you will. Cute. For the record, I'd love an atheist president, atheist prime-minister, atheist governor-general, and atheist united nations chancellor or whatever it's called, all at the same time. That would smell fresh as a daisy to me, religion's gone rancid around here.

If you check out the clips, you'll see that me being rubbed the wrong way by Ricky's latest iteration clearly has to do with my outlook on and experience of addiction. Obviously, my ox is being gored, indirectly. I was probably made too safe, snug in the shelter of 12 step meeting rooms, comparing notes with other addicts, about what makes people consume to the point of death, other than the obvious "because it feels great". Well duuuh. Maybe there's a little more to it though, given the complexity of human nervous systems.

Of course, it's just comedy. I originally wrote "just comedy" in italics, like I was saying it sarcastically, like I was pre-emptively dismissing the people who would say that, in reaction to this (sorta not-really) review, the people who would say "it's so irreverent, it's so politically incorrect... whaddaya want from a comedy show, sensitivity?" But I'd have to say, that would be a reasonable reaction to this pissy review, so I removed the italics. Cause it is just comedy. It's just not comedy that's very funny to me, from a comedian I used to adore. He's washed up it seems to me, and finding that out is a downer. And it's screwing with my head, which is why I'm writing about it, that's all.

You see, I would chalk it up to just comedy, and not let it get to me, if he weren't so preachy about it. He's not doing a shtick, he's moralizing. Which is why I guess I feel entitled to calling him on his shit. Okay, whatever. Headache brewing, not much more to say. I still have Out of England 1 to watch, maybe his transformation to asshole was in a larval stage back then, and it'll be watchable. By the way, I got nothing against assholes, at least if they're comics. It works for David Cross. But when they stop being funny? Well, then we got problems.


ADDENDUM:

Well, Christ, he's still a funny motherfucker. I must have been in a humourless mood that evening. That's the thing with reviews - once I decide on an opinion, all perception thereafter must conform. Having watched the rest of the show, I must say in all fairness, he's still got it. Just not as much of it as he used to have. And he fucking killed hosting the Golden Globes, hahaha! Almost as good as Colbert's roasting of the president.

BTW, Canadians talk about their IQ scores a lot too, but you know I know that - I'm no nation basher.

BTW... uh, so here, check this out before it gets removed - it's funny

yahooliganism

the best part of the internet today?
comments on news stories. letters the editor
unedited.

but i don't wanna join in because i would scream at them....

ok 2 stories. 1) RACIST OBAMA EMAIL SENT BY CALIF GOP REP

So this tea partier fowards a photoshopped Obama "family" portrait: mother-ape, father-ape, baby-obama. "No wonder he doesn't have a birth certificate". Cries of racism and bigotry ensue. Big political hullaballoo. The comments that i read, admittedly not all 4004 and counting, were about the stupidity and cupidity of the woman's claim that she only fowarded it to people who wouldn't be offended and how she'd love to find the coward that leaked it to the press.

What I loved to find was a reason to repost this gem:

If we on the left can do it to King George, why the racism outcry this time? I think the very fact of crying racism to one and not the other reeks of racism. It outlines in venetian blind shadows  the underlying assumption still embedded in the american psyche that blacks are closer to apes than any other race. And that ass umption is played out sublimely by yahoo commentors, apparently in all ignorance of the smell. 








2)  SUPER RICH SEE FED TAXES DROP DRAMATICALLY

like, duh? i mean isn't that what they paid for? again, the comments seem to miss the point. these people toe the GOP line, decrying lower middle class tax breaks and   earned income credit given to the WORKING poor who do not earn enough to qualify for POVERTY level taxes. Meanwhile, General Electric makes in exess of 6 billion in profit and not only pays 0 $ tax, but gets rebates and refunds of 3.2 billion --a profit of 60% MORE, with taxpayer dollars.  and yahooligans? no comment.

semi-vegitative

frustration and resignation, all in the same
physical itch that is a strain that is a sting
that is sore in everything that bends, every joint
burning a little bit, maybe brain cells burning, maybe
neurons itching, a low electrical wattage that shifted
via some electromagnetic re-calibration to
frustration and resignation all in the same
physical itch that is a strain that is a sting

tender malfunction, easy malfeasance
artifact of consciousness, product of biology
shrink-wrapped for the dumpster

why do i want to believe in fate?
one day i'll regret that decision, when it's made for me
because i wanted it, when i'm clawing at an oak coffin ceiling to no avail
the netherworld is a bureaucratic nightmare
but at least there's something out there
flog a dead horse for what seems to be eternity
and one day you'll see it get up off the ground
and gallop over some horizon that is like
a spoon in your brain that got turned around
and nothing will be the same again, cause there's a twisted spoon in your brain
but you can't remember what it thinks like to be in any different derangement

still itching, still burning
no alternative to pleasure, take the baton
it's a relay race

I am in love with this song -

the US smells the scent of jasmine

there's a heady wind blowing in from the cradle of civilization. the people there are fed up with dictators and kings. they want to have their voices not only heard but obeyed. protests in the streets of cairo have engendered a boquet of similar blooms across northern africa and the sudan pennisula. what's interesting to me is hearing the US responses.

officially: surprisingly restrained."we support the people's right to choose".   but i'm sure there are  plans brewing to install the correct candidates when elections role around.

unofficially, from the mouthpiece of the right- fox news-the postulate is "some people aren't ready for democracy. people like muslims-they don't like freedom like we do".  i find myself almost falling victim to this thinking for one reason-shiriah law.   that reason is honeycombed with cells of honor murdered, burqa clothed women, infidels, forced conversions and oh, all the delectible meals associated with vengance, crusade & jihad.

one by one, the kingdoms , fiefdoms & puppet governments of the middle east are going to tumble to real democracy and then who will supply the us with cheap oil? canadians? venezuelans? socialist countries, both! let them sell to china. we like our resource suppliers  to be ruled by  god appointed business men, able to sign contracts and  subjugate their people without pesky things like due process and habeus corpus {a state of affairs the us is working hard to achieve, witness the recent congressional  extension of the patriot act's warrantless surveillence in direct violation of the fourth ammendment}. it hasn't mattered to our rulers whose god did the appointing. similar to rome's use of religious tolerance, road & aqueduct construction and the military to keep its tributes coming, the modern US hegeonomy uses tv and the internet as its   main weaponry .  if you  win the hearts and minds of the people, control of the ballot box isn't far behind. but we have our military in the middle east, just to make sure...
     what worries the foxheads is the power of radical islam in the voting booth. frankly, it worries me too. but not being a foxhead i  think that elections are the only  correct thing to do. the frightening thing about democracy is rule by the rabble. well, you can't have it both ways. if majority wins, then it's up to the minority to make its case. if one studies the results of the revolution in iran, mercifully absent of any direct military intervention by the powers of the west, one can see the seeds of discontent are blooming even there. once   a concept like "power to the people" is promulgated, trying to tamp it down or short circuit it leads only to more and more unruliness & unrest.  what worries foxheads and the powers that be (is that a redundant statement?) is that soon the flower's scent will overpower their own control. sweet, no?

psychotic memories

heard it about it on new years eve  2010 or rather , maybe, it finally came into my consciousness . i'd seen the ads and promo shots but didn't understand its influences,  or recognise  implanted inferences, on  our 21st century western zietgeist.

a deeply gatsbyan lesson, american psycho lets  irony stage  its grand ballet on the fronts of business cards while absurdity stays tightly bound in theatrical makeup.  i found my attention constantly commenting  on the detail to the mask throughout most of the movie.  the protaganist, philip bateman( a nod to hitchcock) is scrubbed with organic compounds to better preserve frail skin, then draped in the finest tailored silk suits. silk, because linen wrinkles. his morning ritual to vessel is as detached as the voice-overs describing  his state of mind-- sampled in the film's first five minutes when bateman says to a barmaid "You're a fucking ugly bitch. I want to stab you to death, and then play around with your blood."  her silent mask of service is so entirely devoid of any reaction, i turned to my companion and  asked "did he just say that outloud?" a question which must become the character's by the movie's third act.


i'm using theatrics as analog because staging is a central theme.  from the scocietally-matchmade psuedo fiance to the random victim/ homeless man  each role is a perfectly coifed  caricature. five- star staged food is the screen shot as the  dialog opens.  the   film-making was nominated for an award but not the makeup. too bad.  the makeup of every character-even bit parts and walk ons- is perfect but heavy.   faces used as canvas reinforces the puppetesque.  a nostalgiac look at the most recent excesses of the last is a fitting way to open the century, especially with such a gorgeous stage.

the 1980s, in which this movie is set, was a period of excess for the rich. when isn't it a period of excess for the rich, you may ask. ok, fair enough.  it's always a period of excess for the rich. so, i suppose by using the 80s, the film was claiming a fair amount of distance from the events. yet the feel was only distant within a technological standpoint: bateman's repeated excuse of  "i have to return some movies" ; the huge walkie talkie mobile phones of the best connected;  the location and  use of a pay phone (definitely an endangered if not extinct species) by a wall street executive all serve to give period to what is, in essence, a timeless malaise. what makes this version different from, say, walter mitty's or gatsby's is ...well....the trappings. the stage. perhaps a sense of irony in that each of the characters seems to understand that they are playing a role, and most embrace that role with the fervor of the faithful. bateman's is the sole character to whom we have intimate access and he has , as he   states to his victims and in the voice overs, ""no empathy with you".  this theme is echoed again and again , in all the characters.   they seem to have no empathy with even themselves.


the movie   won the international horror guild's best of  2001. its horror exsists not in  cheesy fake- blood splattered scenes  but  in the tableaus in the men's club over  discussions of  dinner reservations and in the making of  amateur porn movies   with a threesome for hire.  its horror lies in,  as the title states, the nature of pyschosis--american style. 



well this is supposed to be a review, not a thesis. i give it five stars. definitely worth the watch. watch it again  if you've seen it before. it's timeless.

deaf, please

i will name my firstborn after whomever can find me a poetry audiobook that isn't read by someone with all the emotion and feeling of the local traffic report. the world needs more poets to read poetry and record it. normal, bland, boring people can't do it justice, and i ache every time i hear a good poem slaughtered. i can't find a single audiobook of poetry on itunes or audible that i feel is worth downloading. can anyone help? do you have any favorites?

numbo

jangled gladmess - tight sealed goodness - it did happen, one time

the world is moving far too slow for my taste - maybe the magic is around another bmw contour, maybe it's in an air force one contrail, that's the right idea anyway, bishop takes queen

10 seconds in

itunes needs a preview mode for songs. like you put your library on shuffle and it only plays the first 10 seconds of each song, until you stop it and play the one you actually wanted to hear, instead of having to hit skip a brazillion times a day. just throwing that idea out there.

psych is pretty hilarious. i'm almost done with season 2. kinda crushing on james roday. i'll admit it. 

anyway, merry christmas, y'all. have a fabulous cover of "baby, it's cold outside" by allo' darlin to celebrate - just the female vocals, puts a great spin on it, i think. 

i think i'm crushing on this chick too. she's got a gorgeous voice. i'll ask for that for christmas. 

A one-hit wonder? Dedicated to: mellie & BK. it is sweet..

village inn's revision of their chocolate cream pie

totally sucks. what'd they do, put gelatin in it, like... extra gelatin? that's chocolate jell-o, not chocolate pudding. and don't try to tell me otherwise. fucking with a completely fine pie already. what's wrong with you, village inn, besides the obvious? at least you're not a waffle house.

4 loko

it's the bad boy
the slutty girl
the deal on the corner gone
amazingly, right.

so of course it's about to be universally banned
i'm sure though, we can all make a cocktail resembling it if we ever feel the need to get, quite quickly and cheaply, thoroughly wasted. i apologise to those of you taking 12, but really, you're not missing anything you haven't already been thru before. i suppose i like it for the premix & price. 4 loko does take some acclimation, so beware of guzzling. it might seem like soda pop made made by an  aglossiac.    it may get better, like with most alcohols, the more you ingest . but this drink's a trickster. convinces you  you're sober enough. until you try to actualize that desire to stick your hand thru the top of the teakwood  coffee table to grab the magazine stored underneath, you just don't realize how startingly drunk you are.

  i think it's the combination of  caffeine, guarana, taurene and fd&c blue no.1 more than the 12% alcohol content,  that makes it especially delusion inducing. i tried this stuff called tilt the other night, and i just couldn't ingest enough of it to catch a buzz. full disclosure: alcohol is not my d.o.c.  tilt has only the blue and the 12%  . the toxic- sludge- masked- with- aspertame flavor of the mix did not dissipate over time. that's the beauty of four loko. it removes taste from the equation. like bad coffee you'll slug down anyway, 4 loko is something i  drink because  i want that buzz.

the grape, blue, lemonade and fruit punch varieties all taste like cough syrup. but the lemon lime with its bright green pan galactic gargle blaster glow , when poured over ice, is completely palatable by the third swig. if you're going to go off the wagon, couldn't be a cheaper way. if you imbibe on an empty belly, be sure to hide the keys - all of them- before beginning. 

Obama

does deserve another term.

Dumb Luck by Dntel

just don't forget that it's dumb luck that got you here
don't fool yourself
misfortune's waiting for the best time to appear
to make it clear
that all the courage and the talent that you have
was just in dreams
and when you wake up
you will beg to get it back
to get it back


you can't trust your friends
they will betray with a love less blinding
and then at the end 
they may admit that you were missing something
and no one remembers 
even one word that left your mouth
all the melodies were stolen
from songs by someone else
you're out of time and inspiration
filled with self-pity and fear
and all the dreams that haven't dried up
are slowly drowning in your tears
in your tears


just don't forget 
that it's dumb luck that got you here
don't fool yourself
misfortune's waiting for the best time to appear
to make it clear
that all the courage and the talent
that you have 
was just in dreams 
and when you wake up
you will beg to get it back


to get it back

How's that for a Monday morning song? It's cold and morning and I'm at work (at a job i hate) with a headcold. So, to wallow in something miserable and depressing, here's the soundtrack. Thank you, Jimmy Tamborello.

Balls

So this morning, I find out, while looking for some music to share, that I have missed the farewell tour for Casiotone for the Painfully Alone, a.k.a. Owen Ashworth. I didn't even know he was calling it quits! I'm quite bummed. But I don't blame him. He'll do something else, just under a different name.



So thank you, Owen, your first two albums are some of the very favorite albums in my music collection. You were music I found myself. Music I shared with people, music I still want to share with people. Thank you for taking an icon from growing up in the 80s like a casio keyboard, and adding more depth and feeling to it with your music than anyone probably ever realized was even possible. You did with it what John Darnielle couldn't ever quite do. And I love you for it.

(P.S. Had to add the first song I ever heard of his: "Jeane, If You're Ever In Portland.")





But honestly, I was more heartbroken when The Delgados split up and died.

Lemon Harangue

When did Family Guy start this stupid tradition of re-making movies shot for shot? It was bad enough when they did that extra-long two-episode star wars tribute. They must've thought they were hot shit for pulling that off, cause now they're doing it every other episode - why? Okay, so you can replicate Rocky III as a cartoon with Family Guy characters in it. How about putting some satire in there while you're at it, or even some jokes? Or would that get in the way of your respectful homage to classic cinema? Fuck it's boring.

I hate to say this, but they seem to be going the way of the Simpsons, around season seven. There's these moments, of utter dead weight that remind me eerily of how the feel changed on the Simpsons. It was subtle though. I knew the voices sounded different, there was some kind of "upgrade" done in visual and sound production, but it just made everything too clinically detailed, like CBC radio. And it was like the warm ambiance that pervaded past episodes had been thrown down the incinerator.

It was never the same after that. And the "dead weight" thing - it's filler, lines that are obvious from the subtext and add NOTHING. Was thinking of the boxing match on the latest episode, between Lois and Deirdre. She says: "You goin' DOWN tonight Griffin!", and Lois screams back, with pointless dramatics: "Nat TONITE I'm nat!" or something. Totally vacuous, no significant inflection, no joke, nothing. Filler is death for shows like these. When the Simpsons were at their best, they had no filler - same with Family Guy. Oh man, it's a Wonderful Day for Pie! But that hilarious Disney parody was just a couple years ago, wasn't it? Maybe it's a temporary backslide, but there aren't many of those in TV land.

Sorrow - Pink Floyd (live)

Ruh roh. She's busting out the Floyd. That must mean boy trouble. My only trouble with boys is that none of them are David Gilmour. Or John Keats. Or some miraculous twist of both.

Don't date men who aren't poets or musicians. They're not worth it.

Today, I will say that I hope he gets his leg blown off for joining the army and being a douchebag. Tomorrow I might regret it.

I guess that's not really a review, or a critique. But doesn't it say something about the music, or my connection to the music, that every time I'm feeling shitty about something, Pink Floyd is the only thing I can listen to that fits? Not the plateau, the plateau music (everything else I've shared here, pretty much) is for everyday. I think I'm a generally lull person, morose. A facade of moroseness. I'm bright red in the center and grey on the edges, and it comes across as mauve. The plateau music is mauve.

Pink Floyd is a deep red vein. Pink Floyd is the only music epic enough, that I have a personal relationship with enough to echo or express my heartache. When your world implodes, when your paradigm shatters, when you realize you've spent two years on nothing in the grand scheme of things, you need vast, echoey, deep, rich, classic, original music. For me, that is Floyd. It will always be Floyd.

I've got it repeating right now, this song. It's music to drown in, that's what it is. Marooned was for my first real attempt at, well, perhaps it's better not to say. Sorrow is for this, Sorrow is the long, smoky bar I can drink myself under and stop time in.

Or, well. Yeah.

3d fractal animations

PBS pimps out Aretha Franklin..

Queen of Soul.

Matthew Dear, Gem

Song: Gem
Artist: Matthew Dear
Album: Black City
Year: 2010

Found this (heh) "Gem" last night, and downloaded the whole album. I have precious few electronica albums in my collection, but the ones that I have are really, really good. This album is on repeat for me for the rest of the day.

Ferocious Oaks - Musical Dogs

My neighbors, Justin & Christel, and their band Ferocious Oaks... playing their song Musical Dogs (which you can hear a better recording of on their MySpace page) outside.

T-Rex-Mambo Sun

Doom Metal Alliance reviews Ravenhead's "Catharsis"

review here --- fucking blogger formatting, why can't i just turn the image into a link to the review?

anyway, that was a nice review - i'm blushing!
i think some of the album is online here

my thoughts exactly